hey .... i knwo some issues are turning to be a little weird these days a flood of entries but they are all about things that eat into my brain these days ... an issue of adaptability and stuff like that has eaten into my brain for days ... why adapting???? work environment forces human to adaptability issues and "OUTCAST" issue i discussed will lead to thinking about that ... well well ... working environment is the greatest example i can ever submit on my blog ... why talking like they do?? why thinking the way they do??? why acting the way they do?? self improvemnet is all about a reincarnation of the same mentallity "i appear renewed and reforged" but having the same broad lines of Ronnie of the Ronnunism ... it took me one minute to realize i WILL NEVER be another them ... well frankly speaking am dragged into the no where but i will not follow just because they found the steps ... simply because these are not my foot steps .. the most important part is i was reading a book criticizing Paul Tillich for being a theologian who adopts estrangement or alienation .... are we not all contradicting or it's because he had the guts to spit it?? ... well frankly speaking he did not have the guts to spit his atheistic existential thoughts, yet hye refered to them by several means ... but we all hide in the one face and hide the other ...i know i am contradicting and confused but i never hide my contradictions ... i am in estragement... who said i have to be into theology??? yet people treat theology and God like characters in marvels ... God will be the good guy who will come out of the blues and save the world ... well i mean no offense yet i mean if it were god's mission from the very beginning he wouldn't have made human in the first place the way he is ... he's just a higher animal after all ... yet i believe his evolution started from human not ape ... am not a Darwinist even if people will call me silly i don't care to me it makes no sense to me ... creation sometimes make sense but if i am stuck in circles of creation i will ask the old question and this stuff ... been asking for long and now the issue turned from him existing to me already existing so where shall i go????

http://media.www.oredigger.net/media/storage/paper1162/news/2007/10/01/Opinion/Isnt-Ahmadinejad.Entitled.To.Freedom.Of.Speech-3002275.shtml?reffeature=recentlycommentedstoriestab

plz all readers of my blog this entry was submitted by a friend's wife who lives in the USA and that's after Ahmadi Najad's visit to the states with an invitation .... read it and comment on it ... and read the comments ...

never-more or ever-more ... sometimes i wounder if it was made for some rest or it was made for eternal mental battles .... but if it were just made to help thinking of rest then why wud it exist??? sometimes i believe it was made for an eternal torture and no more ... just few seconds of thinking of the one who made it are capable of making me hate this person ... and hate this organ itself ... let me think (shit thinking again) .... how many of us had an idea in his mind and faced it by the conventional frames or faced the conventional frames by this idea? ... many ... and who faced HIM by this idea?? and who thought of HIM for like forever and never found what he is searching for??? treating HIM like the who always drives me sick of my mental capacity ... sometimes i wish i were one like the many not one of the few yet we could not land on our feet ... we landed on our heads with no protective skull like conventional frames in form of religion or societal fake values ... no wounder we can't even rest a head on a pillow because of too much thinking ... pathetic ... i know how it feels for thinkers ... and i was once a perfect lamb amongst believers .... both sides make no difference .... all sides are the same in the end or in our vital perception ... more than pathetic we never think how come all religions have miracles ... and all religions have relief to all believers ... what a mess ... and all religions led to opression for a while ... and hey what a a coinsidence ... all religions lead to salvation!!!!!!! wow ..... tell me one truth .... tell me onething right .... all religions have hell and heaven ... all religions have a JELOUS god like judaism ... what am i supposed to believe???? my mind??? .....

no wounder i've been dragged long ago to circles of confusion ... mad soul .... halls of temperament "insanity's crescendo and dark tranquillity" sarcastic but me (i mean true) .... do we create scenarios to find a meaning for an absurdist play??? then why the hell would i classify it as an absurdist play and then try to find a meaning???
it has just one meaning ... stick ... cnady ... reward and punishment and crime and what a punishment .... sometimes i believe it's fair because i know what it means when a very simple action determines a human's whole bloody life ... one simple turning point as simple as a game of throwing dice can determine a man's life ... pathetic in creation and judgement ... like Adham my friend said it goes like random collision .. yea ... things come out of the blues to hit you in the eyes ... another pathetic fact